Afternoon all, thanks for coming down to Leyton Orient and host our club supper, it’s been the first one for a few years! I would like to start by thanking some of our old boys for giving us a club to come back to after COVID to give us our fix on a Saturday:

Francis Mariani, Paul Shrosbree, Paul Mitchell, John Long, Colin Staines.

I specifically left out one of our favourite old boys so he gets his own moment in the spotlight, El Presidente Brain Robinson, he has been at the club for 62 years, and our great club has been operating for 124, Paul Shrosbree made the comment you can look at that as half full or half empty. Either way you look at it…that’s one colourful glass, I haven’t looked over there, but I can guarantee he is wearing his claret and blue multicoloured socks, and the best jacket in the room.

Reviews

Senior Vets over 45 A
By Jon Walsh (Senior Vets A Manager)
It’s been an up and down season for Old Parmiterians O45s A. We started well, losing just one of the first five league games, while scoring 16 goals and keeping our one and only clean sheet beating Newport 3-0! We lost or drew the next four league games after having taken the lead. Being 2-0 up in the first half, then conceding 2 or 3 straight after the whilst became a speciality!
A moment of note being A Cup run that ended in an Undeserved 1-0 defeat, chances going begging throughout. We were always consistently in the bar though;
• Dissecting the game
• Highlighting mistakes, all in good humour of course
• And moaning about he lack of sausages
And sorry.. but Dave..
What was you thinking when controlling the ball on the line rather than just picking it up! All jokes aside you’ve been a star and unselfishly put yourself in goal even though you can play anywhere on the park.

Senior Vets Reserve
By Lee Dicker (Senior Vets Reserves Manager)
This year we started by building a new team, starting with 25 players in the squad, roughly two weeks in that number had dropped to around half. I realise we are getting older but I’ve never seen so many injuries. We recovered and got some good results under our belt. We had too sacrifice 3 points of league challenge to assist another Parms side, that would have placed us second.
Notable mentions,
- Alex managed three games in a season
- Shorey.. Not so much
- We finally found a regular keeper and a very special mention Ian Greenwood who pretty much played every game as MOM at the grand age of 62. Long may it continue….
 
Senior Vets
By Chris Childs (Senior Vets Player)
Our greatest challenge of the season was operating the simplest of communication tools, not understanding the inner workings of television and unaware of the concept of social media. Most of the squad being blissfully unaware the lockdown had ended and it was okay to venture out.. leading to saturdays having more changes to its integral parts than triggers broom. Our season limped to a close albeit with a VFA Cup Final which suspiciously coincided with internation “Take your wife and mother in law out – day”
At the cup final our squad of 58 pulled of a win, where we celebrated into the hours, getting pissed an eating curry.
Not rules where broken your honour, however all fines are to be sent to Mr J Long, OPFC, London E17
 
Vets B
By Dan Cass (Vets B Manager)
With the split of the squads mentioned above, we now had 2x strong over 35s capable of backing each other up and compete for major honours. The decision so far has proved to be a success with both sides securing promotion. Our side only loosing 4 league games, and like the curse of all Old Parms sides a league run was ended with a mixture of injuries, cry off and late drop outs. We finished highest league scorers and the top goal scorer in the deivion Julius Hurd, also reaching a semi final of the VFA Cup for the first time and the quarter final of the ESVC Cup. Congratulations to all Parms sides especially those who picked up silverware.
 
Vets A
By Mark Jones (Vets A Manager)
Vets A Being the second half of this split we started the league with 5 players, with the help of Dan Cass and others we reached a squad of 20. Starting the season with an 8-1 defeat, we then continued to assemble a team that would make some noise. Our first 10 games our record was 9 wins 1 draw, we got knocked out of two cups early so the league was the focus. We took our first league loss but recovered to keep destiny in our hands. However the team we lost the league too we beat twice and they know who we are. Promotion secured, and also in a semi final. Some fantastic goals scored this seasons, And all achieved without a recognised Goalkeeper.
 
8th XI
By Brian Dooley (8th XI Player)
"In true English teacher Brian Dooley wrote a poem!

The 8s started the season, full of hope
With Khalid in goal, our own Nick Pope
Great preseason with plenty of wins
The mood was high as we all wore grins

Then came the league, Latymer at home
Our first defeat, the theme of this poem
Good performances, week after week
But a goal or two we would always leak

After a while things started to look up
When we had Back to back wins in the old boys cup
Our improved form didn’t carry over
Bottom of the league, we couldn’t recover

We had hope as Dooley earned us a draw
A brace in 20 minutes, the best we saw
Then a 4-0 win against Forza
Where Rahim channelled his inner Gazza

A good draw against Woodhouseians
Then a cup tie with Bealonians
Extra time and penalties followed
Just hit the target we all bellowed

We saw a panenka sail a mile over the bar
And wondered how we had come so far
Nothing to play for we continued to fight
But another win was never in sight

We played some nice football and started to gel
Our confidence and belief would never fail
With Ganesh as Captain and Gaffa Martin
We’ll take on the new league and aim for the win"
 
6th XI
By Ben Anderson (6th XI Manager)
The former 7th become the 6th eleven this year and lost the majority of their players, Trials being a huge help we managed to build a core set of player. Introducing a mix of young talent and old.. I mean experienced footballers

Initially it took awhile for the team to gel, loosing players in the process, it took us awhile to get our first win, then falling into a pattern of lose one, win one, lose a few.

The latter half of the seasons the 6th showed potential, making loses more narrow and on many occasion unlucky not to walk away with points, special thanks to Driss, Helaku and Ali for keeping Gaffa Ben.. Sane and credit to the younger players in the squad, Harley, Theo and Darnell for playing men's football for the first time and holding their own against opposition and becoming real club men.

Next season we will be looking at silverware with our embedded culture of OPFC looking for success in the league and cups.

5th XI
By Max Hockley (5th XI Captain)
The 5th eleven where juniors last year, and this seasons become men in footballing terms. The team has had an amazing seasons, after somehow managing to lose our first game from being up 5-2 with 10 to go, to ending the season on a high, Coming third in our league and successfully bringing silverware to Old Parms with the Old Boys Cup.
Throughout the season we have found out a lot about the difference between playing at junior level and men’s football and have adjusted accordingly. We didn’t know what to expect when we started playing together but we have had a great time from;
- Rem the Cat being unbelievable all season making sensational saves but also missing the ball and generously giving the opposition a head start
- Brad our top scorer looking like Bambi on ice running down the wing
- and Frankie still having the worst man bun in the team ?

We will go on to win a lot more silverware and continue to fill the Old Parms trophy cabinet. We’d also like to thank the club for being so welcoming!

UP THE PARMS!!

4th XI
By Joe Walsh (4th XI Manager)
Former 6th eleven got the call up to become the 4th eleven this year, Meaning double promotion and the challenge of an exciting and challenging season. The seasons has had great moments, Jamie Nichols 90th minute specials, a dominating display away at league winners Enfield, and points taken off of 3rd place Magdelanians, all proving we weren’t there to make up the numbers.

However as Mogul Michael Own once said, When we don’t score we hardly ever win. And we didn’t score very many. In the end, injuries, managerial changes, a questionable scheduling from the AFA lead to us still needing to play games. If anyone wants a game give us a bell.

Well the jokes on you AFC because you cant get relegated form a league your not in. SO bring on the SAL

On a final positive note new manager Omari Thomas will be at the helm and despite a disappointing finish we had one of the meanest defences in the league. Onward and upwards.

3rd XI
By Mike Diebelius (3rd XI Vice-Captain)
As we entered our 8th season, the thirds looked to replicate success of previous campaigns, with Paul Franklin at the wheel and Terry Blue firmly in the passenger seat.

After a busy summers transfer window, we welcomed Jack, Tom, Praveen, and Thomas Brown to help us compete on all fronts.

We started the season very slow, an early exit in the AFA CUP and points dropped in the league, most notably scoring twice in the 90th minute to secure a 2-2 draw verses our title rivals, Old Vaughanians.

However, this didn’t last long with the lads reaching 2 finals, winning the old boys cup in South London having beat five teams of a higher calibre and in pole position to win the league tomorrow. We’ve scored 98 goals so far, with next to no help from Josh Long ( he only contributed 38 goals) and confident of completing the league and cup double.
Tomorrow we have a winner takes all double header away to Vaughanians in Twickenham where 4 points will see us win the league. The 3rd XI went on to win the league the day after this speech at the Club Supper!

Saturdays will be greatly missed for the next three months, Café, football and Pub will be replaced with dog walks, family BBQs and tinder dates. Nevertheless, we leave the AFC having shown years of dominance and we’re ready to take over and make the SAL ours. Come on your Parms!

Reserve XI
By Chris Kane (Reserve XI Manager)
On the surface, the OPFC Reserve XI’s season would suggest it’s been an inconsistent one, but also some great results and performances along the way, culminating in a cup final appearance and a solid mid-table finish.

Off the back of getting promoted last season, we looked to push on having established a well-rounded squad but again, Mixing key senior players and integrating younger talent. We have really focused on bring the youth through.. and tackle the adage “You can’t win anything with kids.”

The young boys have progressively got better throughout the season, with results reflecting exactly that. Young prospects such as Mehdi, Charles, Simon, Daniel and Alfie have become established starters within the side. Combined with the veteran experience of the likes of Captain Chris McKinley and vice-captain Michael Morgan, and adding the skills of Andy and Denislav, the Old Parmiterians Reserve XI are primed to continue their good work into the 2022/2023 season, where the only goal is to WIN
 
1st XI
By Chris Scherer (1st XI Captain)
Well, as captain of the first this will be less of a review and more of an opportunity to go at some of our top players, some excellent old players and some Steller new players coming through, some of the older ones could do with a crunches after a game, Jamie Clark & Scotty Lewis and Scott Mooro never coming off without a limp, some of them only squeezing in their best Thierry Henry 5 minutes in, Kallam also in the senior bracket who seldom comes off limping but always has a pensioners' moment, usually on the edge of the box, in the 90th minute when we are winning 1-0, forgetting we are playing football not handball.

As a Season its been a tale of two halves, losing the majority of our first 6 games, then going on to put a solid 2022 run together culminating in 2nd, good old second.. However, with our Harry Maguire lookalike Brendan Kelly at the helm, the SAL will have trouble on their hands next season.

Speaking of trouble with hands a few of the other teams have had some goalkeeping trouble, as far as goalkeeping hands go, we’ve been spoiled, the problem is.. they don’t stay on their poxy line! We drew a game 2-2 with both goals coming from lobs, both from inside their final third, both from their goalkeeper. Dan Bank wasn’t shaking hands at the end of the game, we wasn’t too concerned as it went straight over his head.

Dan being away a few weeks later we had Davis have a crack at it, another stellar goalkeeper.. with his hands! He got lobbed twice in similar fashion as a few weeks previous. Something about modern goalkeepers nowadays who want to be Centre Midfielders!

Rounding up the season is a mixtures of lobs, winning from losing positions, losing form winning positions, moaning from losing positions, moaning from winning positions, and deciphering it all in the Coppermill after the game ready to do it all again the next week.

Discipline has been another touchy one across the club. One of our star strikers Charlie Heath got red carded for tickling a mans nuts, Kano thinking himself a ladies man ended up with a large gash on his thigh from a stud – Best action he's had in weeks – Still hasn’t healed strangely.

That just about rounds up the seasons antics and events, I’m going to wrap it up with a little bit of tradition, when we were coming up through the ranks our manager was Colin Staines, and a great deal of what the future of this club will have been what was nurtured by Colin. However, At the end of every game we would get a joke, I’m sure he went to the local corner shops and kept the penguin wrappers for the Saturday, so in honour of you Colin I'll wrap it up with one I think you'll like:

"A women pregnant with triplets walks into a bank to deposit a cheque, old of a sudden *Gun noise*, the bank is robbed by a gunman, in the shock of it all the women realises she's has been shot three times in the stomach an needs to go to hospital.

The doctors see her and are relieved than the triplets are all okay, however, there are bullets in each baby but throughout there lives they will simply pass them and they aren’t in any danger.

The mother babies are born, mother leaves hospital and they all lead happy lives

On the 16th birthday the eldest daughter runs down the stairs. Mummy Mummy, something awful has happened, the mum says what's wrong, I was having a. Wee and a bullet came out. The mum the explain the story about the robber and how she would be fine, the kid goes on about her day

The middle daughter runs down the stairs, mummy mummy, something awful has happened. What's wrong, I was having a wee and a bullet came out, the mum told her middle daughter about the bank and that she had nothing to worry about she was fine.

Finally the youngest son of the triplets comes down stairs screaming mummy mummy, something awful has happened, let me guess you was having a wee and a bullet came out, no no mummy its much worse, the mum asks well what's the matter. I was having a wank and I've shot the dog."